The world’s hardest joke to get right?
I think I’ve discovered - after many months of trying to get it right - the world’s hardest joke.
Now, this might seem a bit of an odd thing to say. If I can’t get it to be funny, then it must be unfunny, right? Well, maybe a little bit - it’s very corny - but I’ve heard this joke told right. It’s certainly not Monty Python’s “Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! … Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput,” but it’s OK.
The thing is, the wording of the set-up seems impossible. I know the punchline - a lovely punchline/second punchline combo - is theoretically very funny, but it’s the line immediately preceding this I can’t get. The gist is that Bob Marley buys doughnuts, then - and this is the difficult bit - something happens or is said - and then the punchline, based on the song “Jammin’”. It’s the something in the middle which needs to build tension I can’t get the hang of. The Wailers asking what sort of doughnuts he has isn’t enough, there needs to be some sort of conflict there about what they might be - and there was in the original version I heard - but for the life of me I can’t word that bit right. I have a complete mental block about it.
My question is this - can you tell the definitive version of this joke? No prizes if you can, just my admiration. And to start you off, here’s the best version I can come up with:
So, Bob Marley has a busy day at the studio and he pops out for doughnuts. All the Wailers are sitting around waiting for him to come back, and eventually he does, with several boxes of them.
“What sort did you get, Bob?” they ask.
“I got jam ones” he replies. “I hope that’s OK”.
September 12th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Thank you for giving me something more interesting to write this afternoon than the brochure I was supposed to be doing:
Bob Marley pops out to the bakery to buy something nice for the Wailers’ afternoon tea. He asks them what they’d like, and they throw caution to the wind and tell him to surprise them. This makes him a bit nervous. He really hates having to decide for other people, in case he disappoints them. What if he got, say, a cream horn for the bass player and an éclair for the guy on drums, and they were both secretly seething with envy over the backing singer’s custard slice? He gets to the bakery window, and looks in at the rows of sticky, creamy, squidgy, sugary cakes. It makes him feel even worse - they all look so lovely! Oh God, he thinks, this is a nightmare. What do I do? Just then he notices a sign next to the display. It says ‘doughnuts – 5 for £1’. That’s it! Thinks Bob. Everyone can have the same. It’s a win-win situation: I bag a bargain, and the Wailers won’t be jealous of one another’s treats.
A few minutes later, Bob arrives back at the studio. “Hey Bob!” Call the Wailers. “The kettle’s on. What did you get us?”
“Well,” says Bob. “It was very hard to decide. Once I saw the doughnuts I thought I was home and dry – but they come with so many fillings! There were custard ones, apple ones, chocolate ones, cream ones. In the end I just decided I’d get everyone the same thing, to make it completely fair. So I got my favourite kind - I got the ones with jam in… I just hope you like jammin too.“